Shenanigans and Shenanigans: A St. Patrick’s Day Survival Guide!
Looking for the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow..
Ah, St. Patrick’s Day! The one day a year when everyone suddenly becomes Irish, green beer flows like rivers, and mischievous leprechauns are apparently lurking around every corner. Whether you're a seasoned St. Paddy’s pro or just in it for the shamrock-shaped cookies, this is your definitive (and completely unserious) guide to surviving—and thriving—on March 17th.
1. Embrace the Green... or Face the Pinch
Let’s get one thing straight: wearing green is non-negotiable. Fail to comply, and you risk being pinched by strangers, coworkers, or that one overzealous family member who takes the holiday way too seriously. If green isn’t your color, don’t worry—accessorize with a shamrock hat, a pair of questionable green socks, or even a tiny leprechaun in your pocket. Fashion rules don’t apply today.
2. Channel Your Inner Leprechaun
Legend has it that leprechauns are wily tricksters hoarding pots of gold. Translation: It’s your one chance a year to get away with harmless pranks. Hide someone’s car keys, dye the toilet water green, or convince a coworker that you’ve spotted a rainbow in the office kitchen. Bonus points if you use an Irish accent while doing so.
3. The Curious Case of Green Beer
No St. Patrick’s Day would be complete without the infamous green beer. It’s not a craft brew, and it certainly won’t win any awards, but it will leave your tongue an alarming shade of emerald. (Pro tip: Don’t drink too much unless you want to explain why your teeth are green in tomorrow’s Zoom meeting.) Prefer to keep it classy? Opt for a Guinness—it’s the holiday’s liquid bread of choice.
4. Hunt for Gold—or Snacks
If chasing imaginary pots of gold isn’t your style, raid the snack table instead. From shamrock cupcakes to corned beef sliders, St. Patrick’s Day is a feast for all things green and carb-loaded. Just be prepared to encounter the occasional dish that’s more food coloring than actual food. (Looking at you, neon-green deviled eggs.)
5. Master the Irish Jig—or Fake It
Dancing an Irish jig is basically mandatory. Don’t know how? Neither does anyone else. Just kick your legs wildly, flap your arms a little, and say “faith and begorrah” every so often. People will assume you’ve been practicing for years. The only rule? No stepping on someone else’s toes, unless you’re prepared to buy them a pint.
6. Be on High Alert for Leprechaun Traps
If you’ve got young ones in your life, brace yourself for elaborate, glitter-filled leprechaun traps. They’ll attempt to catch the mythical creatures and, inevitably, you’ll be the one left cleaning up the chaos. Pro tip: Sneak a note from the “leprechaun” saying, “Nice try!” and some chocolate coins to soften the blow. It’s all about the magic!
7. Don’t Forget the Stories (and Shenanigans)
St. Patrick’s Day isn’t just about green beer and pranks—it’s also a celebration of Irish heritage, culture, and the story of Saint Patrick himself, who allegedly drove all the snakes out of Ireland. Whether or not you believe the snake tale, let’s raise a glass to a man with such a bizarre (yet iconic) legacy. Sláinte!
Whether you spend the day sipping pints, chasing rainbows, or perfecting your Irish brogue, remember: the true spirit of St. Patrick’s Day is all about embracing the laughter, the joy, and a little bit of mischief. Now go forth and spread the shamrock cheer—you’ve earned it! 🍀🍻